"My love is of a birth as rare. As ‘tis for object strange and high. It was begotten by Despair. Upon Impossibility." - Andrew Marvell
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go" - herman hesse
"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go." - Anynomous
It's so classic. Unrequited love. A condition when we know that we love someone but the one whom we love isn't feel the same way as we do. It's simple, forget it, or keep it.
But the choice is killing me... All right, I'm going to tell you a story about an unrequited love. wich is my story..
Here we go...
It was monday. I decided that I'm going to join some of my guy friends play airsoft gun. They had asked me to join them on friday. "Okay, then I'll come," I said. That day, we decided that we will meet at school and then go to the area. She's Maggie (fake name), the only girlfriend that come with me.
At 12pm we went together to the area. I didn't feel well that day because I haven't got any breakfast. But the show must go on.
"Who's coming with us? Is there anyone else?" I asked one of my guy friends.
"Yes, we have Rhys, Arnie, Dane, George and Rhys' friend," answered him.
"Rhys' friend?" I said.
"Yes. Maybe you don't know him."
"All right. I'm going to know him later. Haha" And then we laughed.
I never knew what will happen or whom am I gonna meet. If i ever knew that, I never let my self to come join them that day.
And we are there, in the area at 1pm. We had 1 hour duration to play that boyish game. Actually, I didnt think that I love the game. It was too risky and really exhausting. But it was fun though lol.
I was in the same group with Rhys, Dane and Arnie.. and also.. Rhys' friend. And during the game, I knew that his name is.... Stephen.
Stephen was a really nice guy. He has a great smile, and also a sense of humor. Only in minutes, we got really close. Like I've met him a year ago. And I know, "This could be something".
Me and Maggie like him a lot. He's so funny and friendly, he told us some jokes on the way home that day...
I don't know , but after that day, I always see him on the way to the class or canteen. And sometimes he came to my class to meet Rhys and anybody else. And he got close to many other friends of mine.
And then, On saturday. Two weeks after that beautiful monday, Stephen joined some of my friends to visit my house. We watched movie, played guitars, and many other things. I couldn't hid my feeling that day. I knew i like him, we got chemistry. So, "Why not?".
But the only thing I thought knew that day is.... "He's available".
The next day, it was Kale's birthday. One of my best guy friend. I knew that Stephen will come join us. I was excited that day. But in the morning, I turned on my computer to see some updates on my friendsfile account, he added me. But there, I know that he's not available anymore. I was fine. I wasn't that serious with my feeling anyway. So, I decided to forget all that crushing feeling to Stephen. I knew that we're good as friend. Just that.
But then, I got a text from one of my girlfriend. "You must be so excited. Rhys's told me that someone got a crush on you. My God! You should've not believe this! Imma tell you when we meet later, kay?". I didn't take that message so seriously.
And then that day, we went to Kale's birthday together. We're getting closer and closer. I still remember that I lent him my shirt and I forgot to take it when I went home. And he gave it back to me on Tuesday.
After that awesome day with my best friends in Kale's party, I changed my mind. I couldn't help my self adoring him. And the feeling got bigger.
And after that day, I knew that I found someone that I should care for. Until today, I still don't know how to remove all these feelings. This unrequited love, so painful but beautiful.
There was this day, I don't really remember what day it was, he texted me "Do you mind if I drive you home after school?"
Okay. I know he's not available, I mean, he's taken, but I couldn't hide my feelings. Then that day, I went home with him. I didn't know what I was thinking about. He was totally not for me.
And there was this night, I was out with my friend to a mall. He texted me again, "It's already dark. Why haven't you got home? I'll pick you up. Wait me there". I thought he was just kidding. But then, he was really picked me up. There, I could see that, "This's my first love ever. I won't give up. He's my true love. He's the reason why i'm alive". And after that night, I knew I'm not kidding with this feeling. I'm serious to keep him in my heart.
And day by day passed away. The feelings that I kept, became a big wave of emotion. Drowning me down.
Stephen got me. All of me. I would do anything for him. Just to let him know the feeling inside my chest.
He has a really beautiful soul. I like him because he's not afraid to show who the real he is. He's so talented, daring, and funny. And the most thing that makes me fall for him is, his humble attitude. He's like no other boy I have ever seen. He has his own world. That's what makes him so unique. And his smile, his smile will bright my whole day. And keep me thinking of him the whole week.
But the reality wasn't in my side. Apparently he's taken. I couldn't love someone who's already taken. I felt really guilty, I knew I was wrong.
And there was this day, I decided that I will forget him forever. Remove all of these feelings. I ignored all of the messages, I didn't greet him everytime we met. Just to realize him that we couldn't be together.
And today, all of my sacrifices have came up with a good result. He's going together again with his girl. I'm feeling happy for them, tough I knew, this bleding inside my chest won't be healed.
The only medicine for a bleeding heart is keep smiling. Tough I almost forget how to smile, because the pain took it all. All of my soul and everything.
Last words for Stephen,
My unrequited love, I don't know what to say anymore.
I know I'm strong enough to handle all of this.
That's why God brought you into my life.
Even just to tore my soul apart.
_finished_
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