Fanfiction: Safe and Sound part 6

Warped Tour is old. Three weeks left for us to rock in our sweaty jeans, under the stinging sun and in front of hundreds of teenagers in this foreigner country. Everything has been going well since the day I made up with Whak. Shows are amazing, fans are adorable, the catering are dreamy. Except my love life. Can I laugh now?

I'm not that kind of girl that thinks about my love life that much. But when I think I have found just the right guy, I hope it will workout somehow. I haven't met Jeff since the day he handed me back to my band. I don't know where the heck he is. My signing schedule and interviews are crazy. I don't even have time to mingle with other bands' members or at least just sit up with my band mates and talk.

I decide that I need an hour off. I need to find Jeff, somewhere. Whak reads my face and asks me to sit down.

In every signing session, I'd like to just stand up next to the table instead of sitting and smiling and saying hello. I love my fans I don't want to just sitting there, shake hands and passed by. I would rather hug them, taking intimate pictures with them. It is good, they think I'm adorable. But my body opposed to that. I get tired quicker that everyone else, and the sweats from all of my fans stick to my shirt, which is kinda gross. But it's not a problem for me since they support us big times and stand for us no matter what.

"You look... dead," Whak whispers as he signs a poster that belongs to a cheeky girl in front of the table.

"Thank you," I say to the fan girl. She asks me whether she can take a picture with me or not. Of course I say yes. I stand up and pose next to her, work out my best smile and passed.

Whak examines my face. "We've still got hundreds kids to go. You sure?"

"Of course, duh! I won't let them down," I exclaim.

The signing happens to be really long and boring and sweaty. If I can categorized my condition from 1 to 10, I'd say, it's 4. I've been so worn out these last two weeks. The tour has been so intense and breathe-taking. I've got stitches on my forehead and people keep asking me about that. I'm getting sick of answering that question, but who's to blame?

Finally the signing is over. We can now all be dismissed and do whatever we want. But the day is old, I'm to tired to mingle, or accompany the boys to drink. I decide that I will just go back to the bus, have a shower and sleep until dinner time has come.

I storm back from the signing tent to the bus, I'm trying to find a glimpse of Jeff's face but he's nowhere to be found. So I give up. Maybe our last kiss was just a spontaneous act. It all means nothing to him. And nothing is happening between us.

Drowning from the thought of Jeff, I turn back. Some nice bottles of cold beer will help. The boys haven't left the tent yet, I join them right away.

"You're not going back?" Whak says.

I shake my head. "No. I'm not feeling like it. I'd rather join you guys."

We walk to the refreshment trailer to grab some drinks. I have my own three cans of cold beer and a bottle something I don't know the name. I have tasted a little too much of the alcohols the boys like to drink but I can name only a few of them.

We climb the hill in the back of the parking lot. The view is really nice. We sit under the shade of a tree. We're settled next to each other, shoulder to shoulder. Drinks in our hands.

We talk, we drink, we laugh, jokes around the way. Cam and Jake are good at making jokes. We laugh our lungs out. When I feel a little bit too high to sense anything, I cuddle next to Whak. His eyes are all bloodshot from the alcohol, but he tries as hard as he can to stay conscious. And so the rest of the boys.

When our little private drink party gets a little too far, they boys start shouting random things. Cam and Jake strip off of their clothes and climb the tree behind us. Matt's starting to sing some creepy song and unconsciously calls his girlfriend trough his cell phone, which will cost him a lot of phone credits. When he's done, he takes off all of his clothes and run around the hill. I'm the only one who's still half-sober. I laugh a lot, I know my throat will pay for this in the morning.

When all the three boys all are busy with their fantasy world, Whak and I are left alone. Clinging to each other to stay sane and conscious. Whak starts murmuring something I don't understand. I slap his face lightly, and he smiles.... and he starts muttering my name.

"Jenna...", he murmurs with his eyes half-closed. "Jenjah...".

I laugh. "Jenjah, sounds funny brah," I can't keep my head up any longer, I curl up beside him. His arm around my shoulder. His hand pushes my head down onto his chest.

"Jen jen... McDoogz. You're Jen Jen?" he says.

I can't help but laugh. I've never seen him like this. "Yes, I am Jen Jen."

He pats my head, pulling me closer to him. "My Jenna. Only mine."

***

Before I can figure out what happened next, I wake up in my bunk, with my head spinning wildly. The bus is not moving, but there's no light outside, so it does mean that it's already night.

I think everybody is off to have dinner because no one is around. I'm left alone. Thank you guys.

I roll out of my bunk to the pantry. I down some glass of water to clean my mouth from the alcohol remainings. I take a deep breathe and decide that I will just go outside and go to the diner catering set in the middle of the Warped arena.

I'm walking to the door when somebody opens it from the outside.

"Hey," he says.

I cannot believe my eyes. Is it real?

"Hey, I'm sorry to disturb you. I just want to take you to the dinner set. Jake says you're stoned to death," Jeff says.

I winked a couple of time to clear my sight. And there he is. Tall, sturdy, blonde and bright. The figure that I've been waiting for to show up in these past two weeks. I have no idea what to do. My tongue is caught up in a knot. It's been more than two weeks since the last time I saw him. My heart skips a beat.

"Why are you looking at me like that? I'm not a ghost? Come here," he protests under a chuckle.

I chug my last drop of water from the glass and swallow it hard. "No, I'm not hungry."

"Yes, you are. Come on, the diner set is almost over," he says.

I look at his eyes, perplexed. "Why don't you show up earlier?", I snap suddenly.

His frowns. "What?".

I sigh. I'm getting sick of this. I'm angry, alcohol makes everything even worse. I want to throw him out of the bus, stab him with a knife. Choke him. Let him suffer to death. He stays silent, watching me, trying to dig what is happening inside my head. He's so stupid. So fucking stupid. I raise my hand and throw the glass I'm holding toward his head.

The glass falls to the floor. Shattered to pieces. Jeff stares at me with an inexplicable look. "Jen? You're drunk. Let's sober up," he says.

He walks towards me, grabs my hand. I jerk his hand off of me, not letting him touch me. But he's stronger than I thought. He circles his arm around my waist, lifts me from the floor and puts me on his shoulder like I were a pillow. He carries me out of the bus. I punch his back, on and on. I squeal. He doesn't make any reaction.

He brings me up to the hill where me and my band mates had the drink party earlier this late afternoon. I'm crazy, I'm not me. I know the alcohol is still clawing its effect on my brain. Controlling me.

Jeff puts me down to the grass. Squatting in front of me. He grabs my face and starts to soothe calming words.

"Jenna, look at me. You're drunk. I'm here, for you. Only for you. Jenna," he says. His face only inches away from mine.

I fixes my eyes on him. Grasping for sanity. I touch his face, it's warm. So warm and I want to kiss it. I like him more that I thought. "Jeff, I'm sorry."

"It's not you. It's the alcohol," he says. He sits down next to me, closer than ever.

I'm not content with this, I want more. I want him to like me, harder than he has ever before. I climb to his lap, my arms around his neck. I place my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. He puts his arm around my waist, and the other one on my legs. I can feel he kisses my forehead, and then my cheek, and then the other cheek, and my nose.

I giggle and open my eyes. He trains his eyes all over my face, like I was a rare sculpture. And smiles.

"I like you, Jenna. From the first second we met," finally he utters the words.

I laugh silently. "Why don't you show up earlier?" I ask him again.

He sigh, and pushes aside a strand of my hair off of my face. "I like you so much and it hurts. Because you're out of my league. You're perfect and famous. You've got a perfect life, I don't want to ruin it. I don't deserve you."

"Bullshit. Bullshit. Stinking bullshit. You're stupid and senseless. And a selfish bastard," I shout on his face.

I'm expecting a rage, I'm thinking about him putting me down to the ground and ditches me, and hates me. And forgets me forever. But he stays. And laughs. I cannot believe it.

"This is why I like you," he says.

"You like me, just because of me being blunt and angry?" I snap.

"I like your smile as well," he says.

"I won't smile again, forever," I say.

"I like you because you're beautiful," he replies.

"I'm not beautiful. How's that?" I say.

"Shut up. You're horrible, but I still like you anyway. How about that?" he says.

Just before I can think of anything else, he kisses my lips and holding me tighter than ever. I kiss him back. My fingers run through his golden hair, and my body is not mine anymore. I'm high, higher than ever. I'm running out of breath but I don't want to let him go. Just like this, stay like this.

Jeff pauses to breathe, I pull his head back to me. He laughs on my lips and back kissing me for the next 10 seconds and we're off. Panting out of breath, reaching for oxygen and laughing.

"Well, that was terrible," I say under my breath.

He kisses my cheek and laughs. "Yeah, that was."

"So... I'm hungry," I say.

He looks into my eyes and smiles. "Ready for dinner?"

"Oy oye!"

Fanfiction: I'm WIth The Band part 2

Casts: Ben Bruce, Emily/Starla (me), Danny Worsnop, James Cassells, Sam, Cameron.
Setting: Melbourne

I was dragged out of the bus to the backstage. Danny was a disgusting big little asshole. Every time he touched me I wanted to kill my self. It didn't mean that the rest of the guys were better, no. But at least they weren't the one who had drugged me and kidnapped me. And because of that, Danny thought he owns me. I was better off dead.

I needed to get my self away from them, just for an hour and run away to a police station. All I need was that. I would report them, I would sue them. The should pay for everything.

The dressing room was a filthy little room. Once we got there, the whole room smelled like cigarettes and alcohol all over again.  Danny made me sit on his lap, locked me by the waist with his arms. I tried to pull away, but I had no chance at all.

They kept talking through the late afternoon, drinking, laughing. The did look happy, but I didn't. I was the most miserable person in the room, and nobody cared.

When it was time for the show, they all left. And guess what, I was locked there. Alone, in the cold stinky dressing room. I couldn't believe it. I was sure they had known already that I would just run away and report them to the police if they didn't lock me there.

I was miserable, and angry. I sat in the corner of the room with my chin on my knees. Thinking and crying inside. If this was what Sara had called rock n' roll, then I hated it. I hated it to every bits of it.

Before I knew it, I fell asleep with my forehead on my knees.

***

I woke up with my back hurt like a bitch. Somebody's jacket was on my shoulder. The room was noisy again. I could see everyone had come back from the set. I didn't wanna get up, I just wanted to stay here as long as possible. Avoiding them, I didn't want them to touch me, at all.

But Danny saw me. He walked to my corner and grinned. I hated his grin. He was an ugly fat guy, not to mention, an asshole. He thought he was hot, he thought every girl wants to be with him, he thought he was desirable.

He grabbed my hand, pulled me up to my feet. He wanted me to follow him, I staggered on my feet trying to follow his pace. But before I could stabilize on my feet, we were outside the dressing room already. He pushed me to the wall.

He leaned forward, brushing his dry lips on my face. I screamed. He choked me with his hand, strangled me so I cannot make any sound. He smelled like alcohol and sweat, so disgusting. I kicked him, tried to hurt him. But he just laughed and kissed my lips. I bit his tongue, he pulled away and looked mad.

"Stop acting like a bitch! I know you want me!", he yelled.

"Get away you son of a bitch!", I squeaked.

He strangled me again, now even tighter. I couldn't breathe. He pull my chin down, kissed me even harder. His other hand was creeping under my shirt. I wanted to die, just die!

Somebody walked out of the dressing room. It was the asshole guitarist, Ben. His hand was holding a bottle of vodka and looked drunk. He walked wobbly approaching me and Danny. He stopped by us and poked Danny's shoulder.

Danny stopped and turned to him. "What, mate?" he said, annoyed.

"You girlfriend is on the phone. She wants to talk to you. You better be hurry, she sounds mad," Ben said.

Danny shoved me to the wall, my head hit the solid surface hard. I hissed. He walked fast to the dressing room, leaving me and Ben alone.

I wanted Ben to just go away. I was disgusted by my self. I spitted to the floor. My tears burst out of my eyes. I sat down on the floor, holding my self together. I buried my face on my arms.

"He's a bad kisser. I know that," Ben suddenly said.

I didn't care about anything he said. Everything was bullshit. I didn't respond, didn't say anything. Just cried.

"Every girl wants him. I'm sure he's kinda surprised you diss him, haha," he laughed. I stayed silent, he kicked my leg. "Hey, say something. Don't act like a little bitch!"

I was enraged by that. "Stop saying that I'm a bitch! I'm not! I don't even wanna be here! I'm not even a fan! You're music is bullshit!" I shouted.

He looked startled. "Wooo. I know you wanna hurt my feeling, but I'm un-hurt-able."

I pulled my head up, swept my tears. "Yes you are! You're not even human! You all are! He has a girlfriend, he kissed me like a whore! Nothing about that sounds human to me! And you, you saw him almost rape me like that, all you do is telling me to stop acting like a little bitch! You're an asshole!You all are!" I exclaimed on the top of my lungs.

He laughed. He took a big gulp of vodka from the bottle and turned to me. "Yes we all are. We all have girlfriends, but we still fuck other girls. I saw him almost rape you, I don't care. Why should I care?" he said.

He took another big gulp and sat down next to me. He patted my hair and touched my cheek. I slapped his hand off my face.

"Don't touch me!!", I yelled.

He shrugged. "All right. I know. Yeah. I won't touch you. But, give me back my jacket," he said.

I looked down to my shoulder. A tobacco smelled denim jacket was there, wrapped around my back. I pulled it off and threw it to him.

"Why don't you just go?!" I shouted.

"No. You cannot be left alone, you'll run away. Report us to the police. Something bad like that," he said.

I knew it. I knew that they had predicted what I would do once I ran away. They wouldn't let me go, forever. There would be no way out for me.

Ben wanted me to go back to the dressing room with him. I of course said no. I didn't want to see Danny's face ever again. It was enough to make me sick. But he wouldn't accept that. He pulled me back to the room. I almost screamed.

He sat down on the couch, put me right on his lap. His hand wrapped around my waist to make me stay there. But something about his arms was different. He didn't try lock me like what Danny had done, there was something tender about his arm wrap. He pulled me closer to his chest. I didn't resist. Something was wrong.

***

The party moved to the bus. As we drove to the next city, everything went completely crazy. Everyone had gone wasted, but they kept drinking. Metal music was played loud, almost exploded my ear drums. I had been passed from one guy's arms to another's, like I was a doll. They tried to kiss me, get under my shirt, even worse, grab my boobs. But I kept slapping their filthy hands off me until they got mad and threw me to the floor.

They were all animals. If they don't get what they want from someone, they throw them away. I was sick of everything, so I went to my bunk.

I closed the curtain, got under the blanket and tried to sleep. It had been more than 48 hours since I had had my last good sleep. I was so exhausted, my eyes were swollen and tired. I didn't want to care about anything else anymore. Everything was going to be all right as long as I can keep the asshole's hands off of me. I should find a way out the next morning, so I needed some rest.

And I drove to sleep.

But it had been only three hours, I believe, since I had made it to fall asleep but then I woke up. The music outside had gone. The party should be over. I stared at the ceiling, trying to think about something nice to help me go back to sleep again.

Until, somebody opened the curtain. Alcohol and cigarettes reeked into the air. I tilted my head. It was Ben. His eyes are all bloodshot. He grinned.

"Get away!" I exclaimed.

He didn't say anything and got into my bunk. I pushed his skinny body away, but I was too weak to defend my self.

"Chill, I won't hurt you," he muttered.

He laid by my side and closed the curtain behind him. I moved away, sticking my back to the wall. He rolled to his side, facing me. He examined my face.

"You scared? Hm. You must be", he said. "You just have to stay still, and you're okay. I'm going to just sleep here with you. That's it."

"No! You have your own fucking bunk! Get out!" I yelled to his face.

"We've got a bunk with a woman in it, why should we choose our own stinking bunk?" he said. He moved closer and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer to him.

First, I tried to resist, but the second his chest was on mine, I stopped. His body was warm, his breath was weak and calm. His hand was on my back, it moved slowly, creeping under my shirt. He brushed his fingers on my lower back, chilled me to the bones. I should be pushing his hand away by then, but I wasn't.

"Good girl," he said.

I could feel his breath on my ear. I was shuddering.

"What's your name?" he asked.

I almost told him my real name. "Em-... Starla. It's Starla."

He giggled. He stroked his fingers along my back bones pattern. "Cute. But you don't look like a girl named Starla at all."

"Why?", I said. I started to lose my breath.

"Because every Starla we had would do anything to get in our pants. But you.... haha," he said.

"Whatever," I muttered.

He kept giggling for a second and then he stopped. He looked down at me, I couldn't avoid his gaze. My heart was uncontrollably pounding, it was so hard I could listen to it. He leaned down and found my lips, he kissed me, breathed on my face. I froze. I parted my lips to tell him to get away but his tongue found mine. I could feel his lip rings, his mouth was warm and tasted like vodka. For a second, I lost my grip to the fact that I was actually his hostage, and he was an asshole that I hated. And I was disgusted to admit that I actually enjoyed this.

I was running out of breath, so I pulled away. He didn't seem happy about it. He grabbed my head and pulled my face close to his, but before he could start kissing me again, I asked him, "You have a girlfriend, aren't you ashamed of your self?"

He chuckled. "Why should I be ashamed?"

"You're an asshole," I exclaimed.

"Yes, I know. You have said that thousand times to my face," he said.

I didn't understand how does his brain work. He was dumb and rude and disgusting and so disrespectful. And I had been just kissing him.



End of part 2

Fanfiction: I'm With The Band part 1

To start it off, i'm kinda enjoying writing fanfiction. I really really actually have a lot of ideas for my normal article posts, but, I just don't feel like writing it. So, for the next couples of months, I'm going to just posting my dorky fanfictions. Sorry, really sorry. 

And, I'm not a native English speaker so my grammars and vocabularies are a kinda... broken. It's okay to just leave comments to correct all the shit that I make. I really really would appreciate that. 

Okay, this fanfcition is about Ben Bruce. I don't really listen to Asking Alexandria, but Ben is fucking awesome. 

The "me" character here is not me. At all. Hahha. She's a girl named Emily, from Australia. She doesn't really listen to metal music, but her best friend is a metal whore, lol. She's in her second year of University, so she's like.. 19 to 20.

So this band called Asking Alexandria was coming to her city, her friend wouldn't waste the chance to meet them. Something happened, she needs to get to the backstage, but the only way she could get a pass to the backstage is to introduce herself as a groupie. So she fakes her name as Starla. And eventually she made it. 

And she should had known that her life wouldn't be the same again..... 

Okay let's just begin the story. 


***

I'm With The Band part 1

Casts: Ben Bruce, Danny Worsnop, James Cassells, Me (Emily)
Setting: Sydney, Australia

I can't. I don't know. everything is blurry. I need some fresh air to figure out where I am and clear my sights. I hold out my hands and reach for things, but I have no idea what I'm touching. I can feel bodies, beer cans, and some more weird things. But I can't see it. My head is spinning like a carousel.

I crawl and crawl, trying to find a way out. Finally, my hand finds something that my brain approves as a door knob, so I struggle my way up and stand wobbly on my feet. I push the door knob and open it.

Loud music enters my ears. So deafening, so annoying. Before I can think about anything else, I find my self screaming on the top of my lungs. I want the music to just shut up and listen to my voice. I don't know where I am, who I am, I don't know anyone here. The last thing I remember is that I was with a boy, a beautiful boy. We were kissing, touching each other. And then there was a fight. Everybody was wasted. Somebody pushed me to the floor, I felt pain, and gone.

I walk my way to the end of the aisle, find an escape door, shove it hard and I can feel outside air brushes my face. It stings, like a knife, so cold and so sharp on my skin. I rub my eyes, now I get my sight back.

I'm on a side of a street. Alone. Nobody's here but me. I'm lost, stranded. I want to cry, just being miserable and cry. Where the fuck am I? Who brought me here? Who's responsible for this? I can feel pain all over my body, my face, my left leg.

I know I just cannot continue to walk. I drop my self to ground. I sit with my knees stuck to my chest and starts reminiscing everything.

Well... this guy. I was in love with this guys. He's such a jerk, son of a bitch, his name is.... Ben.

***

"Rock 'n Roll is dead, Sara. It's just, dead," I said.

Sara shrugged hard. "Okay if you think so, but let's just prove it. No evidence, no real."

We had been debating about this trivial thing for like three hours now. It all was started with Sara insisting that groupies still exist. That was kinda funny for me because the era of groupies had gone. And then everything went really far far away from the topic. And we started to shout at each other.

"How? How can we prove it?", I asked her with a condescending tone.

She raised one of her eyebrows. "We should sneak to the backstage."

I glared at her. "There's no fucking way. At least we have a backstage pass, or some kind of VIP passes which will cost us big money just to get them."

She shook her head and laughed. "We've got boobs."

"What?", I snapped. "It's not 1978!"

She laughed. "It is. 1978 is forever."

I stared at her, disbelieved. "So... how do we do it? When?"

She cleared her throat. "This band, a really perverted metal band called Asking Alexandria from England is coming here by weekend. We should try them."

"No. I don't listen to metal music anymore. I'm enough of it," I said.

"You're such a prude! All you listen to is fucking pop punk music that's why you don't believe in rock 'n roll anymore," she yelled.

"Because pop punk is better than your sex-and-drugs-fueled rock 'n roll!" I yelled back.

She sighed. "You're unbelievable. Whatever. You don't have to listen to their music at all actually. You just have to look extra gorgeous and slay the dudes and we're done."

"What wait? Me? No. I'm not a bitch. I'm not doing that. You're doing that. I'm going to just sit in the car, waiting for you 'slaying' them, bring me some proof that groupies do still exist and then I drive you home," I exclaimed.

She grinned. "Deal."

***

We had had our way to the front row. Nudging, hauling, shoving other screaming girls surround us. We held on to the iron barricade that separated us to the stage. Sara kept screaming the dudes' names, squeaking, squealing.

"Danny, Ben, Cameron, Sam, James! Fuck me! Get out!", she shouted.

I shook my head, almost all the time. Until all of the band members came out of the backstage and started to play.

I didn't even know any of their songs, at all. I was just stood there, stiff as steel, cold as ice as the other fan girls behind me moved like hurricanes. Sara was dancing like a whore, a fucking whore. And I could tell one of the band members, the guitarist, was looking at her. All the time. I got a little bit disgusted. This was just not my style, at all.

I stood still until the set was over. The band dudes started to throw away all of their stuffs, guitar picks, towels, water bottles. The guitarist, the one who had been looking at Sara, threw his water bottle to the crowd. And it hit my head, hard.

I raised my chin and looked up to the stage. The asshole guitarist was laughing, Sara noticed what had just happened and laughed at me. She glanced at the guitarist and the stinky skinny dude winked at her. I was close to throwing up.

When the stage had been cleared, Sara left me straight away to the backstage. A naughty smile was worn on her face, it made me sick. I just wanted to end this up, there were no such thing as groupies, there were only whores.

And my best friend was a whore. A band pussy. Whatever.

***

I waited, and waited, and waited. Forever. It had been four hours since she made it to pass the backstage guards. No sign from her. I was getting a little bit too worried.

No matter what, she was my best friend, I didn't want anything bad happen to her. The band dudes might drug her, kidnap her, rape her. Anything! Those guys were assholes, and I was sure about that. I knew that I should find her, and save her from all of this bullshit groupie thing.

So I got out of the car, walking warily to the backstage door. There was no way I could go in there. No way. I stood there, staring at the guards.They were big, hairy, noticeably muscular. There was no way I could beat the shit out of them and crashing in.

"So, you're a fan? You wanna come in? A groupie? Bad aid, band pussy... anything?" one of the guard suddenly asked.

I almost had said no and swore bad things to the guards before something popped in my head. Yeah, I could just pretend as a band groupie, go inside, take Sara, save her, and leave forever. But, I didn't look like a groupie at all. I wasn't wearing anything short, neither anything remarkably tight. In one simple glance, anyone would notice that I am not a groupie.

But why not trying?

"Yes. I am," I said. I wanted to just kill my self at the moment.

The guards frowned simultaneously. "What's you name?"

I knew I had been finished, it was not my game at all. I wasn't even pretty. And I had no idea for a name. But Sara was the only thing I could think about. "Sara," I said. I was so stupid.

"What? Starla?", one of the guards repeated.

Starla. Sounded bitchy enough for me. "Yes."

Guess what? They let me in.

I went to Asking Alexandria's dressing room right away. I could hear perpetual laughter from the inside. I had no idea what was happening inside. But then I heard Sara's voice. She sounded drunk. And it was not good. A drunk girl and a bunch of assholes. Not good at all.

I believed that I'm crazy, I had no doubt about that, because next, without hesitation, I pushed the dressing room door and called Sara's name out loud. All eyes turned to me, I felt really mortified. I just wanted to grab Sara and leave. I walked in with my eyes locked to the floor, I grasped Sara's hand but she jerked it away.

"Sara let's go, we should go!" I said. I tried to pull her off the couch.

She jerked my hand off of her again. "Chill. Sit down, here, beside me," she patted a space next to her. "Sit down, have some drink. We'll go home after that, I promise."

I sighed. All the band dudes said the same thing. I had no choice. I sat down next to her. A guy whom I remember was the vocalist handed me a glass of cold beer. I refused to drink it.

"Hey, girl. Chill. Drink," the vocalist told me.

"Drink. Drink. Drink," shouted the rest of the boys, except the asshole skinny guitarist next to Sara. He was just smiling.

Sara nodded. I knew I was being ridiculous. It was just a drink. It wouldn't hurt.

I took a sip. It tasted good. I took another sip. And another. And another.

I was an idiot. And the world started to pull back from my sight.

***

I woke up, the smell of cigarettes and alcohol was reeking in the air. It wasn't the smell of my room. It absolutely wasn't. Once I opened my eyes, I knew I was in a big trouble. I was lying inside one of the bunks in a moving tour bus. And whose else tour bus could it be but Asking Alexandria's?

I was kidnapped. By strangers. I needed to call the police.

I rolled out of the bunk, tried to find a phone, radio, anything because I knew my cell phone wasn't in my pocket anymore. Somebody caught me from the back. It was the bassist.

"Got you little princess. Where'd you going?", he put his arms all over my waist, pulling me to his side.

I could do nothing but scream. I kicked his leg, screamed again, hauled my self off of him, screamed again. He wouldn't let go off me. Until somebody walked casually into the bunks area. It was the asshole guitarist who had thrown a water bottle right to head last night.

"She's interesting, huh? Nobody says no to us," the asshole guitarist said.

The kinky bassist laugh. "Yeah. She could be our little pet in this tour. Our kangaroo."

They were not normal band guys, they were fucking criminals. "Get off of me!" I squealed.

"Chill, Barbie! Sam, let go of her. Let me take care of her," said the asshole guitarist.

The bassist laughed lightly. He kissed my cheek before he pulled away and handed me to the asshole guitarist. I attempted to run, but failed. The asshole guitarist got me.

"Make sure you take care of her right," the bassist added, ruffled my hair and scooted to the pantry.

"Let go of me!", I yelled to the asshole guitarist. "Where's my friend?!"

The asshole guitarist said nothing and brought me to the back lounge. He made me sat down on the couch and he stood in front of me.

"Why am I here?!" I shouted in despair. Tears almost ran down my face. I was shaking in fear and rage. This guy could do anything he wants. He could do really anything.

"Your friend has gone. We left her in the dressing room," he told me.

I shook my head. "And why you're taking me?"

He laughed. "You kept asking us to take you last night."

"Impossible!" I snapped.

"You did!" he snapped back.

"You drugged me!" I yelled.

"I didn't! Danny drugged you!" he shouted.

I leaned back and sighed. I was not the kind of girl whom guys like these like. Why the heck were they taking me? It was not my game, at all!

The asshole guitarist sat beside me, patting my lap. "Calm down. My friends aren't that bad," he said.

I said nothing. I had no word. My tongue was glued to my despair. I didn't know what to do.

"You stay here I grab you some food," he said and left.

I needed to just jump out of the bus. Death was better that anything else, better than being kept as a hostage by five perverted alcohol-fueled assholes.

End of part 1

Fanfiction: Safe and Sound Part 5

Casts: Jenna McDougall, Whakaio Taahi, Jeff Todd, Bertrand Poncet, Cameron Adler.

Setting:

Author: Me

"Here you are. Why are you here? Let's just enjoy some drinks.," Whak says. Holding out his hand to me. 

I'm not going anywhere. I'll just stay at this corner of this room. My former schoolmates are staring at me, they must think that I'm crazy, drop out of school for music. 

"You're not happy, eh?", he says with a sorry tone. 

I sigh. "No. It's just.... I'm not feeling comfortable. Being here. While they're having prom night and I'm not part of them. They think I'm weird."

"I'm sorry, Jen. but we need this. We need to perform somewhere. And school prom nights are the best place to spread our name a bit. School kids are the best," he says. 

I'm trying to understand the situation. We've been so broke in these past 5 months. We need money, we need to play somewhere and get paid. And now we're stuck with school prom nights, and I look stupid with high heels, and cocktail dresses. 

"All right then. What do you wanna do now?", Whak sits beside me. 

I shrug. "Nothing, I guess. I'm just wondering...."

He frowns. "Wondering what?"

I look down to the floor, fiddling with my fingers. "You know. I will never experience anything normal, like this. Prom nights."

"So... you regret everything you've done? Quit school... and... be with us....?", Whak stands up and set to leave. 

"No, no. I don't regret anything," I grab his hand and stand up. "Why should I regret anything?". 

He looks at me. "Why should you? And why are you trying to fit in and be normal when you already stand out?". 

I smile lightly. "Alright. Haha. But let's do something normal tonight. Something really really normal."

He raises one of his eyebrows. "Let's dance."

I crack my self up. "Dance?"

He laughs. "Yes. Come on it's a prom night, we should dance." 

I bit my bottom lip, lurking at the crowd of kids dancing with their partners to a slow song through Whak's shoulder. "Well, if it's considered normal... let's go." 

***

I open my eyes. 

It’s a 3 days drive. So tiring and boring. All I can see is dry landscapes and concrete. I’m laying soundly in one of I Call Fives’ tour bus bunks.  I know, it’s weird. Being here is weird. I don’t know them well but they welcome me like one of their best friends. They’re just way too kind, way too kind. Especially Jeff. He was nothing to me before, but now he’s one my of my best mates. I’m going to treat him just like my other best mates. Just like how I treat Cameron, Matty, Jake… and Whak.

My eyes are still burning from a hard cry. I messed up everything with Whak. I don't know how he would treat me after this. It all would be completely different every now and then. Suddenly, Jeff pops from from behind the bunk curtain, holding a portable bus phone.

"Your tour manager is on the line. He wants to talk to you," he says, handing the phone to me.

Hesitantly I take the phone and stick the speaker to my face. I look at Jeff with scared look. Jeff nods.

"Ben?", I say to the speaker.

"No, Jenna. It's Cam," says someone from the other side of the line.

"Cam? How do you know that I'm here?", I say.

"Chris told me by twitter direct message," he answers.

I sigh. "Chris. You're a dead man," I look at Jeff. "I'm okay, Cam. You don't have to worry. How's Whak? Getting better or...?"

"He's fine. He feels bad about you. He wants you to come back," he says.

I pause for a while. "You're lying. He's mad at me. He don't even want to see my face."

"No, Jen. He's just still a little bit upset. He'll get over it in a second. Tell me where we can pick you up," he says.

"No, Cam. I'm not ready to meet Whak. Maybe we don't have to meet at all until we arrive at the next location, I'm sorry dude," I say. Nerves run down my gut. I pass the phone to Jeff. Refusing to argue with Cam and I believe he would understand.

"Tell him I'm tired," I say to Jeff. He nods.

It has been more than 24 hours since I left my band in our bus. The road is starting to get me sick. I'm thinking  too hard. The last sleep I had was really brief. But I decide to get out of "my bunk" and talk to someone. Everybody's sleeping, and I can't even find Jeff. As I walk to the pantry I can see the bus is pulling over to a gas station. Good. I think to my self. I need some fresh air. Midnight air in the summer is beautiful.

I get out of the bus, the driver told me that I don't have much time. I'm going to use my little time the best I can. First, I need to get some sweets at the food shop.

The shop is solitary placed on the corner of the gas station area. And I was right, the air is wonderful. Not cold, not too humid. Easy to breath through it. I walk carelessly to the little shop. Nobody is there, and there's no other vehicle stopping by either. I look up to the sky, it's so beautiful. For awhile, I forget my problems.

The shop looks dead.  I grab some packs of m&m's and bars of snickers. I reach for my pocket and bring my sweets to the cashier. As the cashier scanning my stuffs,  two men with a motorcycle park by the shop. They walk in and looking at me with a strange look. I smile awkwardly to ease the atmosphere. But suddenly, one of the men hold out something from his pocket. A gun. Yes. A freaking gun.

I hold my self from screaming, walking discreetly away from them. One of the shop burglars sees my move. He grabs my arm and catches me in a head lock. I scream wildly. Try to free my self from the big scary figure that can break my neck without struggle.

"Money! Or I'll shoot!", shouts one of the burglars.

"We don't have any fucking money, you moron! What do you think we are? McDonald's?", says the cashier guy boldly.

"HEEELLPP!", I scream my lungs out. Fear runs down my gut.

"Shut up! Bitch!", shouts the man that holds the gun. "Finish her. I'll get the money!" orders him to the partner.

I'm dragged to the other side of the room by the neck. The powerful hand of my "kidnapper" chokes me to death. I can't breath. My body is officially limp. Few seconds later I can hear a deafening gun shoot from the cashier table. I try to scream, but my throat's blocked. Maybe this is it. Maybe I'm "finished".

I'm dropped to the floor harshly with my head against the solid tiles. I can't make a sound. I can see my blood running down the floor. So calm, so slow. The man sits on top of me, grab my neck and starts smothering me. Things start to appear blurry. I take my last deep breath, and gone.

***

"I'll be safe and sound"

"Yes you will", Whak says.



"We have to contact her band mates. Chris, use twitter, anything," Jeff says.

I try to say something, I don't want them to call my band mates. But everything is black, and my head is throbbing in a paralyzing pain. I realize my eyes are still closed. I inhale as much air as I can take, trying to retrieve all my consciousness back. 

I open my eyes. The light in the room is blinding, shocking my eyes. I gasp. Somebody's got my hand. Holding it tight. It's Jeff. I open my eyes again slowly, trying to settle with the light. Jeff smiles and pats the back of my hand gently. 

I take a deep breath and speak. "What happened?"

"You got knocked out," he says, giggling to himself. 

If I can, I'll laugh. But I just can't. "Is the cashier guy okay?"

"He's alive. But he lost a lot of blood. He's in the room next to us," he says. 

I exhale hardly. "Good then."

Jeff smiles again, this time it calms me down. He pulls the blanket over my chest and tells me to just sleep. It's like nine in the morning already, how can I go back sleep?

"Jeff, just don't call my band. They'll freak out," I beg him. 

"They should be freaked out because they care about you, Jen," he insists.

I sigh. "You just don't understand!" I shout.

He stares at me with disbelief. "Yes, I don't understand," he says up-set-ly. 

Suddenly, a nurse walks in. She tells us that I can leave today. No serious injury, no severe concussion, I just need to rest a little bit more. Thank God today is a day off of Warped. I don't have to be worried. I'm sure I'll be ready for another show the day after tomorrow. 

I try to walk by my self to the bus, but everything starts to spin every time I try to stand straight. Eventually, Jeff has to carry me on his back to the bus. I feel sorry about what I've done to him earlier. I was acting like a bitch when all that he cared about was me. 

We go back to the I Call Fives' bus. The bus is moving again. I'm glad I'm not dead, and so grateful that I'm surrounded by these beautiful people. The rest of the band checking my condition one by one. Giving me little gifts and chocolates. They say that I'm just like their little sister, and they don't mind taking care of me and having me as a new part of the family. They order me to sleep, to not disturb me, they go back to their favorite spot of the bus, the back lounge. But Jeff decides to stay with me.

"I'm so so so sorry about what I said earlier, Jeff. I'm such a pain in the ass," I say. 

He laughs. "You were just tired, and disoriented. Haha."

"Yeah. Absolutely disoriented. My head is killing me", I say, holding my bandaged head.  

He stick out his bottom lip, giving me a pity look. "Poor Jenna. But you look so attractive wearing bandage. You should wear it more," he pats my hair. 

I chuckle. "Maybe I should, hahaha." 

Jeff holds my hand as I'm trying to sleep, but every time I close my eyes the picture from last night's bloody accident comes flashing in my head giving me anxiety and a shock wave of fear.

"Jeff, I'm afraid, " I snap suddenly.

"Afraid of what? It's all over," he says.

"I don't know. The picture from last night keeps flashing in my head," I pause to breathe. "And I miss Whak," I know I'm crazy but I can't hold my tears. I'm absolutely disoriented from the head injury.

"I'll stay here, okay?" he says. He lays beside me and puts his arm around me as I'm frantically trying to wipe my tears because I know it's not normal to suddenly cry in front of a boy without any sensible reason. 

I dive my face onto his chest, he holds me tighter. I feel safe and warm. Surprisingly, he kisses the top of my head gently, giving me butterflies in my guts. I can feel his breathe on my hair, the smell of his shirt brings me back to sanity. 

"You're a great girl. My favorite girl by far. I'd kill the fucking culprit if I was there," he says soothingly. 

I shake my head. "You'd get hurt if you were there."

"We could get knocked out together, wearing matching bandages," he says. 

"But who's gonna carry me to the bus then?", I giggle. 

He laughs on my forehead. "Chris." 

"I'm not sure he's strong and manly enough to carry me on his back. I'm a big girl," I say. 

"Ooo, so you think that I'm strong and manly?" he says. 

I lift my head and give him a weird look, "Cool, I take my words". 

"No! You can't  take back your words bandage head!" he says in his laugh and starts to tickle me. 

I laugh so hard and try to stop him. I tickle him back so we're tie. He tries to stop me, but I do the same thing he does. I won't stop, until... his lips encounter mine. 

My heart beats so fast. Everything starts to spin again. I response to his kiss. He holds me tighter, his hand's on my back. He should be still a stranger to me, but he's not. I'm still not sure about my feeling for him, but I know that it will get stronger and stronger, this kiss will happen sooner or later. And it's happening now. So light and so beautiful. There is no lust, no other intention. Just a kiss. Sweet and sincere. 

***

Jeff has made an appointment with Cam that we will meet at the rest area near the state line at 7pm. I told Jeff I'm not ready but he has promised that if Whak is still mad at me, I can spend another day in his bus. 

It's 6.45pm, the sun is still up in the sky, today is not as hot as usual. Clouds are sitting soundly above the ground with its beautiful bright white color. Trees are waving, blown by the sweet summer breeze. Me and Jeff are sitting alone in the pantry, playing with our food. I can't get over our first kiss still, I loose my breathe every time he stares at me. I try to just take it easy.

"Jeff, maybe you're right. I worry too much," I say.

He pats my hair. "Yes you are. You have no excuse to worry about anything now. You've had me," he pulls me closer to him.

I look up at his face. His eyes are starry, reflecting the sun light that comes from the window. They're bright  and blue, with little strikes of brown in the middle. I want to keep him as my Teddy, cuddle him every night, buy him cute little clothes and candies.

We arrive at the meeting point earlier. I cannot see my band's bus around yet. Jeff decides that I need some fresh air due to my mild concussion that has been coming out again. I'm getting a little bit claustrophobic and disoriented and nauseous in the last few hours.

Jeff scoops me out of the bus, knowing that it's a waste of time waiting for me to walk straight without stumbling and eventually fall.

"You're a baby," he says teasing me.

I'm surprised by how sweet the air is outside. The sun is getting tired, heavy clouds start to make its appearance. I miss my home, Australia. Summer is always be beautiful down there. It's always be like this. Sugary breeze, beautiful air and melodies inside my head.

"Jenna, I'm going to buy some stuffs at the corner shop," Jeff brings me back to reality.

I glance at the shop in front of us. I gasp and jump off of Jeff's arms to the ground. Anxiety and scary images from the last's accident choke me.

I try to control my breathe and stand wobbly on my feet. "I'm staying here," I say, locking my eyes to the ground.

"Hey! Jenna!", somebody with a distinctive thick foreign accent calls my name from behind my back.

The ground starts to shake beneath my feet. I cling to Jeff's body to stay stable. If this is what they call "mild" concussion, I can't imagine how apocalyptic the world will appear in my eyes when I have the severe one. I turn my head slowly, it's Bert from Chunk! No Captain Chunk. A wide smile is worn on his childish face as he walks approaching me and Jeff. 

"Bert!" I say, trying to draw a friendly smile on my face.

"Woahhh... you look.... stoned!", Bert says, examining my disastrous appearance. "Hey, you're from I Call Fives, right! Bonjour!" he offers Jeff a handshake. 

"Hey, dude. You sound... french," Jeff goofs, giving Bert a handshake. 

I chuckle. "Weird, huh? Actually he's Asian," I say. Jeff and Bert laugh. 

Suddenly, a thunder strikes. My ears ring badly, I'm disoriented again, and now even worse. Jeff calls my name several times, I just can't respond. Bert's confused, but he thinks I'm funny and he keeps laughing. Rain starts showering, Jeff scoops me to the corner shop. I refuse to come in, so he puts me down in front of the shop with Bert. 

I lean to the wall behind me, watching the ground starts to get drenched by the water. Bert stands next to me, he keeps asking me if I'm okay or not but I'm not answering. 

"Jenna, what happened? Are you okay? Why you're not answering me?" he says desperately. 

When the ringing in my ears has gone, I can hear him clearer. "Sorry, dude. Having a concussion right here."

He stares at me with a blank look. "What is that? Concuz... what?"

I laugh. I forgot that he's not a native English speaker. "It's what happens when you smash your head to the floor, haha." 

"Whoah! What happened, Jen?", he asks. 

"I was caught by some freaky shop burglars, they tried to shut me up by smashing my head to the floor," I say under my laugh.

He looks at me with an astonishment. "No way! That's impossible!".

"Yeah, I know. I've never imagined that before, I've never thought something like that could ever possibly happen to me in real life," I say. "Anyway, where are the other boys?"

"They're making love with each other in our bandwagon. A foursome," he says.

I'm cracked up by his statement. His English is good only when he talks about disgusting things. "Hahaha, that happens. I believe."

The ground starts shaking again. I can't believe this. I'm sick of this. I turn my body facing the wall, put my forehead on its hard cool surface. Close my eyes and breathe. Bert starts to talk again, I can't hear him. To many noises surrounding me. All of a sudden the air is chill on my skin. The rain has replaced the heat waves with wind. And Bert's voice comes back again, it disappears, getting louder, and fades. I contend my urge to scream. 

"Bert I don't know if you're still there, I'm sorry I just can't talk to you now. I'm sorry, dude. Let's hang tomorrow, whenever, anytime soon. But just don't leave me until Jeff comes back please," I say still with my eyes closed and my forehead stuck to the wall.  

I'm sure Bert is saying something, I just can't get what he says. 

Suddenly, someone touches my shoulder. I believe it's Jeff. He covers my back with a piece of clothing, a jacket, or a shirt, I don't know. He pulls my body off the wall, embrace me with his arms and pats my hair. I love the smell of his shirt, so familiar and warm. 

So familiar. Wait. It's not Jeff. 

I try to wake my self up, crawling towards sanity. I don't know if it's real or not, but happiness bursting in my gut. This familiar smell, I still can't define. Something about it brings peace in my chest. 

"Let's go home," he says. 

His voice registers my head, my brain struggles to translate. I catch and understand what he said. I nod absent-mindedly. I drown my self in his warmth.

A moment later another voice calls my name. It's Jeff, I cannot be wrong.

"You better wait until the rain is over," Jeff says.

"I think so. What happens with her? She seems half-conscious," another voice rensponses. 

"Mild concussion. It keeps coming back. Just don't let her sleep when she's having it," Jeff says. 

"That's not good. But thank you for keeping her safe for me," the guy says. He holds me tighter, keeping me from falling. 

"I failed, dude," Jeff says.

"No. Without you she'd be sitting alone on some street starving to death or even has been killed. We should hang out sometime. You're my bro now," the guy says. 

And then I'm gone. Not fully gone, I'm awake, but senseless. These guys keep talking, I focus on my breathing. Some moments later, I can feel my body is lifted from the ground and carried somewhere I don't know. 

I open my eyes. The sky is dark, the rain is over. Now I can see the face of the guy who is carrying me. Yes. It's Whak. His face is tired, his hair is damp from the previous rain. He looks down at me, sees me with my eyes opened. He smiles. He only smiles when he's ought to. 

Back at my band's bus, everybody is worried about me. They welcome me with warm hugs and light pecks on my head. All I can do is smiling. I don't know what to say, I can't think of anything, I can't even keep my balance. 

"Dude, dude, she's having concussion. She needs to sit down," Whak says. 

I'm carried to the back lounge and seated on the couch. Everybody sits around me, checking my condition. I'm home, I'm safe. All I have to do is find a way to get out of this blurry world of concussion. 

"Jenna, look at me. Can you hear me?", Whak says, scooping my face with both of his hands. 

I look at him with a blank stare, I examine his face, he's worried, he's tired, he's wet. "Emm....", I murmur.

"What's my name?" he asks.

I look deep inside his eyes. It's dark brown, like the color of cookies. "Whakikio," I say.

He smiles.

***


I'm laying on the back lounge couch, my head's on Whak's lap. He's busy with his book. My head stops spinning, everything looks so much better now. Whak hasn't left my side since I came back to this bus, his damp clothes and hair are now dry. His face shows exhaustion, but he keeps reading. Jeff told him that I'm prohibited to go to sleep when I have concussion, so every time I close my eyes he slaps my cheek. It's been  two hours we're in this position. The bus is not moving, our driver needs to rest.

"Dude," I say.

"Yes?" he responses with his eyes on the book.

"I'm sorry, again," I say suddenly.

He chuckles and puts his book down. "Okay. And for what? I'm having a concussion I can't remember what happened."

I smile. "You fob! Haha," I get up off his lap and sit straight.

He smiles back and straighten up my crooked bandage. "Hey, you're okay now. Let's just eat something. I'm starving," he says.

We go to the pantry, he holds my hand to keep me from falling in case I'm loosing my balance again. This is what I miss from him, his protective acts, his hands.

He makes two bowls of cereal with some sprinkles of chocolate chips and cold milk, he sits beside me and watch me down the whole bowl in lest than 10 minutes. All of a sudden everything tastes amazing on my tongue, maybe because the last meal I had was like 24 hours ago.

"Do you wanna taste summer evening air, Whak?", I ask him as he finishes his bowl.

He looks up with his mustache covered in milk. "What?"

I giggle. "Haha you got milk on your stache," I grab some paper napkins and wipe his mustache. 

He smiles. "Thank you."

"Your welcome," I say grabbing his hand. "Let's go to the roof." 

He frowns. "Roof? What do you mean?"

"Let's do something crazy!", I say enthusiastically.

"Like getting knocked up by some creepy shop burglars?" he says. 

I laugh. "Yes! Let's go!"

"Jenna! Can you just slow down a moment?" he says.

I look at him. "I can't slow down. Why waste the time?"

He shakes his head and laugh. "You're unbelievable."

"Just 10 minutes, outside. I promise. After that we both can go to sleep," I insists.

Whak stands up. "Alright then!"

I get out of the bus by my self, Whak offers some help but I refuse it, and I can do it. I'm over my concussion phase, now I'm feeling better.

The air outside is beautiful as always. I try to figure out a way to get to the top of out bus. Whak finds some steps to get there. We can climb the bus by using the wheel and the window pane. Well, it's clever but I'm not sure I can do it. But Whak insists that I can.

He gets to the top first, and he helps me go up. Eventually, I make it.

We're laying side by side on the top of out tour bus. The sky is pretty, I inhale as much air as I can take and try to work out a smile on my face. Everything between me and Whak has been made up by itself. Maybe because we're best friends, fights are temporary and usual. I tilt my head to check him out, he doesn't make any sound. And yes, his eyes are closed and he's already deep in his sleep. Good, I should stay on the top of the bus all night long. Thank you Whak.

I laugh. How could he fall asleep that fast?

But after all, something inside of me tells me that everything is going to be better. Starts from tonight.

And Jeff, he's the cherry on top of all of this. I'm grateful for my life.

Fanfiction: Safe and Sound (Part 4)

Casts: Jenna McDougall (Narrator), Whakaio Taahi, Jeff Tod, Chris, Cameron Adler, Jake Hardy, Matt Best, Ben.

Setting : Ventura, California. 

Author: Me

I'm staring at my bunk's ceiling. It's dark and boring. I wonder what Whak is dreaming about up there. He doesn't make any move or sound. He must be so tired and exhausted to death. 

Tomorrow is our 7th day of Warped Tour. It has been so intense and we have been working our fingers to the bones, it's harder than we thought. We can't stand anymore heat, our skins are burnt badly. My throat is sore and it's really bad. 

We're on a 10 hours drive to the next venue, and I still got plenty of time to sleep so I decide that I'll stay awake tonight. 

I'm thinking about my boyfriend, Matt back at my hometown, Sydney. It's getting clear that our relationship has no future. I need to end it as soon as possible because it's not healthy anymore. But I'm going to feel really bad, I love him, no, I used to. Suddenly I feel nauseous thinking about him. I need to talk to someone so I can feel better. 

So I get out of my bunk. Open Whak's bunk curtain, climb the ladder and sit on the edge of the bed. I shake his body to wake him up. He rolls to his side, facing me and opens his eyes. 

"What, Jen?", he says quietly. His face is red, yes, sunburn it is. 

"I just can't sleep. I need to talk to somebody," I say. 

He rolls to his back, laying casually and examines my face. "What do you want to talk about?". 

I sigh. "Well, anything." 

He yawns and stretches his back. "Okay, anything. So, what?". 

I shrug. "We have a lot to talk about." 

He moves slightly to the wall, leaving a little space on the bed. "Come here. We can talk all night long. I'm not feeling really good. Just lay here."

I turn my body, lean backward and lay by his side. The bed feels warm. Wait. No. It's hot. Unnaturally hot. I touch his forehead. Yes, he's got a fever. 

"Whak, you're hot," I say. 

"Thanks, Jen," he says. 

I giggle. "No. I mean, you've got a fever."

He caresses his own forehead. "Damn, I'm screwed." 

I get up on one elbow. "I'm going to get you some pills. "

"No, I'm okay. We can just talk until the fever is gone, " he insists. "Come on. Just talk to me."

I pull the blanket on the edge of the bed over his body and lay back down. "I think you need some sleep. It's just not the right time to talk. But I'll just stay here, if you don't mind."

He nods. "That will be nice." 

I lay beside him all night long, watching him sleep through  a bad fever. His face is burnt, red as hell, his hair is greasy from sweat. I check his temperature, it's hot enough to boil an egg. I'm getting worried about him. I roll to my side, scrutinizing his face. He looks like he's having some kind of bad dream. I run my hand through his hair, hope that it will help. 

"What are you dreaming about, mate?", I whisper. 

No answer, indeed.

I slip into the blanket. It's hot as fuck. I place my head on his shoulder and drive to sleep. 

It's early dawn, I open my eyes. Whak is still deep in his sleep, his body is stiff as steel. I check his temperature once again, he's getting worse. 

I know that I need to tell Ben about this. I get out of Whak's bunk and walk silently to Ben's. 

"Ben, Ben, wake up!", I shake his body.

Ben opens his eyes and stares at me with astonishment ."What on earth is happening, Jen?".

"Whak is sick. You have to check him up," I say.

Ben frowns, "What? Sick? How on earth do you know?".

"C'moan, Ben. Prove it your self!", I pull his hand.

He rolls to the floor recklessly and gets up, walks to Whak's bunk, climbs the ladder and dissapears behind the curtain. I can hear Ben is waking him. And Whak is apparently awake now. I can hear he shouts my name in an annoyed tone, but he finds out it is Ben.

Ben climbs down the ladder and turns to me with a worried face.

"He's absolutely sick," he says.

"See? Now what can we do about that?" I say.

"I'm going to ask the driver how many hours left until we arrive. You better find some fever pills in the first aid box in the pantry", he orders.

I nod firmly ."All right."

I go straight to the pantry. Checking every cabinets. I find the first aid kit. But there's no fever pills there. Only some bandages and a betadine bottle. I give up. I grab a napkin, soak it in water and climb back to Whak's bunk.

His eyes half open. I smile to him. Try to hide any kind of expression that would show him that I'm worried. I fold the napkin and put it on his forehead.

"How do you feel, mate?", I say quietly.

"On fire, haha" he giggles under his breath.

"You better get back to sleep," I say.

"I'm trying to. And so do you."

I exhales. "Yeah. Just scream or throw something when you need me or hungry or want to vomit and stuffs."

He giggles. "All right."

***

The sun is up. It's burning and can't compromise. I slap some sunscreen to minimize the sunburn damage on my skin. Whak is sitting next to me on an amplifier case, limp, weak, insecure. The air fan in our backstage container is not enough to reduce the heat that comes from outside. Whak's face is red as a boiled lobster. The paramedics have given him some medicine but nothing happens.

I slap some sunscreen all over his face, arms and neck. Sunburn will kill him and definitely will make his pain even worse.

"You sure you wanna play today?", I know that this is such a rethorical question.

"Positive," he says briefly.

"Why?", I frown. Spreading some suncreen on his eyebrow.

"It's my responsibility," he says.

I sigh in despair. "Ok but don't you need some more sleep, rest or something?".

"No, I'll just sit here."

"With this heat, in this stinky trailer?", I say.

"Yes."

And yes. We sit side by side. Looking at people come and go. The rest of the boys are playing freesbee outside with some other band members and crew. I really want to join them but I can't leave Whak. Sweats running down his face. His whole body is unsteady and shaky. One push and he'll fall. I can't let him stay here without rest.

I stand up with arms folded on my chest. "Boy, you need to rest!". I grab his arm and help him to stand up. "Come on."

I walk him to our bus. We still got 4 hours left before our set. Maybe he can sleep 2 hours and that's enough.

We climb back into our bus. I let him sleep in my bunk. It's impossible for him to climb the ladder to his bunk without falling or slipping or collide his head to the ceiling. I pull the blanket over his chest and settling beside him on my elbow.

"Sleep", I say soothingly.

"Sing me something. Twinkle twinkle. Anything," he begs. His voice is rasp and weak. It's not his normal voice.

He's not okay. He's absolutely not okay. It's not a mild fever. The bed under us is getting warmer and warmer. Combined with the heat from outside, it's hot and really uncomfortable for me.

I sing him to sleep. His head is resting on my pillow. Soundly and safe. He reminds me of my dog. And I know from the deepest part of my heart, I really want to protect him from harm, from bitches and heartbreak, and in this present case, illness and pain. I just don't know how. And I feel useless now.

I place my head on his chest. Listening to his heartbeat. And I know that he can't make it to perform today. It's only gonna worsen his condition. I need to figure something out. I need to find a way how we can play without him, which seems merely impossible.

I leave him alone in the bus. I walk fast paced to the edge of the back stage arena. Leaning to the black iron barricade. I stand there to think for a while. I stare at the busy crews, walking around, carrying stuffs from place to place. They look tired but they conceal it with smiles, throwing jokes to each other and laugh. It's amazing. For a minute I forget my problems.

Suddenly someone pokes my arm. I turn my head constantly. Yeah, it's Jeff.

"Hey, Jen," he says.

I smile half-hearted. "Hey, Jeff".

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Thinking," I say.

"About what?", he continues.

I sigh. "I don't know if I'm aloud to tell you this."

He looks me in the eyes. "What's happening?"

"Well, my guitarist, Whakaio, is sick. He tries to convince me that he can play today, but I know he can't. I'm trying to figure outhow we can play without him... which is impossible," I explain.

"Woah, that's terrible.. Let me think," he says.

We stand in silence for a while.I know that this is just a waste of time. There's no way we can play without Whak.

"Well I know how," he says breaking the silence.

"How?", I snap in excitement.

He smirks. "We can ask Chris to fill his part. He's a fast learner, you should give him a try."

I frown. "Wow that's kinda surprising."

"So?"

I think for a while. "Well.." I pause. "We can try."

We walk to I Call Fives' backstage container. Chris greets me with a bright smile. I smile back, but with a little crumples between my brows. The idea of involving other band's member in our set makes no sense in normal circumstances. But, now, I think it's the only way we can play.

"Woah! It's Jenna McDougall again! Hey!", he shouts cheerfully.

"What's up dude!", I shout back.

"Chris we need to talk for a sec dude," suddenly Jeffs says from behind my back. Taking Chris to the further side of the trailer.

I'm left alone for awhile. The rest of the I Call Fives' members smile to me, I smile back at them.

Jeff and Chris come back after a few minutes with inexplicable expressions on their face. My hands hold each other tightly. Waiting for them to speak.

Chris shrugs. "I don't know man..."

I shrug back. "That's okay," disappointment runs through my chest.

But then I see Chris chuckles. "Okay let's go," he says.

"What?", I say.

He chuckles even louder. "Let's go I'll play with you. You have to show me how to play your songs."

I stare at him with astonishment. My tongue numbs. "Wha-"

Jeff laughs. "He agreed to help you out. But you have to kiss him in return."

I'm bursting with laugh. "You don't say!".

Chris's face turns pink. "Okay just forget that. Let's go. You want me or not?".

I try to make the sweetest smile on my face. "Yes, I want you." And then I can't help my self laughing for a moment. "Well, I'm going back to my trailer to tell the other guys. See ya Chris," I say.

I leave I Call Five's backstage container feeling worry. I should've told the boys first before asking Chris for help. I'm a bummer.

Back at my backstage trailer, I call the boys to deliberate. At least if in the end Whak will be mad, I'm not the only one that responsible for the decision.

"What, Jen? Where's Whak?", Cam says.

I put on a worried face. "He's sick. He's sleeping in the bus."

"Owh that's not good," Matty says.

"Yeah. He's got a bad fever. Really really bad. He's really really not okay," I say. "Eh, guys. I need to talk something up with you all.... and Ben. Where's Ben?".

Cam leaves to get Ben. He comes back after few minutes with him. Now everyone is here. I take a deep breathe and try to collect all the words in my head and make a good clear sentence to come up with.

"I don't think Whak will make it to play today," I say. I close my eyes and hold my breathe. Waiting for their response.

But I hear nothing. They stay silence, frowning with their eyes glancing at each other.

"You can check his condition your self. I'm worried, if he play today, we might loose him for couple days ahead," I say.

Everybody nods. Understanding the situation.

"But we can't play without a lead guitarist. It's gonna be as bad as if we play without you. I can play his part but, whose gonna take my part?" Jake says.

I nod. "Yes, I know. But I've been considering it for awhile guys, before I talk this up with you. And, I think we can play without him."

I hear the boys are murmuring disagreements to each other. They look at me in disbelief.

"We can't, Jen. Don't be silly," snaps Cam.

I shake my head. "I know somebody who can help us out, to fill the unintended guitar parts."

I can hear everybody's saying "What?"

"Chris from I Call fives agreed to help us. I've talked to him earlier. I'm sorry guys, but this idea just came out that way," I say pleadingly.

Silence again. I know they're stunned in a state between shocked and disappointed because of me knowing this earlier than them and because I've figured out something to work out with without deliberate with them first. I feel bad about that. But regardless of everything, we have to play in less than 4 hours and a decision has to be made save this bad and unlikely situation, now or never.

"Guys?", I say.

Cam clears his throat. "Well, Jen. That's crazy. But if you're sure that's gonna work, I'm okay," he says.

"Aye. Me too. But I need to meet him as soon as possible, because guitar pairing needs chemistry and that's something that won't happen in an hour," Jake says.

I turn to Matty. "Matty, how about you?"

He nods. "If the rest of the guys agree, I agree".

"And you, Ben?", I raise an eyebrow.

Ben nods without expression. I know that all decisions depend on us, not him. So, he has to agree on everything we've decided.

I smile. There's a little relieve in my chest. "Thanks God. All right. I'm taking Chris here."

I walk back to I Call Fives' backstage trailer. I call Chris. He walks to my way with a big great smile.

"So? The guys okay?", he says.

I laugh. "Yes. Come with me."

I lead Chris to my band's backstage container. I don't know why but I'm sure he's blushing. It's kinda awkward but he's just so cute and I can't help smiling.

"Don't take Jeff's words about the kiss earlier seriously. He was just goofing around," suddenly Chris says.

I giggle. "Haha, I know dude."

Chris is so adorable and so friendly. I know that the guys will like him. I like him. We can be friends if we keep our selves in touch after all of these Warped tour matters ended.

"Guys, say hi to Chris," I say whilst entering the trailer.

The boys turns to me. Chris waves to them

"Woaah. G'day mate!", says Matty enthusiastically.

"Come in, mate," adds Cam.

Chris mingles with the boys easily. It's been only five minutes and they're laughing already. He practices some guitar parts with Jake. And they go along well. In normal circumstances, they can be friends.

***

It's 20 minutes before the show already. I'm getting too nervous as usual and Whak's not here, he's the one that always calms me down by giving me a "seriously?" look or just a simple nod. He's like my smile machine, my battery, I can't work well without him. I hold Cam's hand to ease the nerves. At least I still have the rest of the boys to calm me down.

Ben calls us to the stage. As always he checks our attendants, orders us to make a circle and gives us motivating statements. Awkwardly, Chris gets into the tiny circle and listens to Ben's words like we usually do. I smile discreetly.

And then here' we go. We spring out of the backstage, the crowd's screaming wildly. And Whak's not here to give me that nod that signs me to start the show. I hold the mic, my hands tremble. I reach my voice and shout.

"Hello guys! We're Tonight Alive from Sydney, Australia!".

***

The show went well. Chris played unbelievably good, some numbers of mistakes , but that was okay. Jake covered them with his lead parts. And the crowd likes them.

"That was sick, Chris!", says Jake on our way to the parking lot.

Chris laughs. "I don't know, dude. I made couples of mistakes."

"No, you killed it, mate. We can play together again someday," Jake says.

"Yes, of course. You have to hang with the rest of us sometime," Chris says brightly.

We arrive at the parking lot. The boys go straight to our bus. I decide to visit Jeff first at the I Call Fives' bus. I need to thank him as much as I can. Chris leads my way to his bus.

As we enter the I Call Fives' bus, Jeff appears from the bunks aisle. He sees me and walks to my way with a concerned look. I shake my head and smile to give him a sign that the show went well.

Jeff grabs my shoulders, "I'd kill my self if the show went bad!".

I look at him with a startled face. " Woah. Easy dude. It was awsooome! Your mate is a sick guitarist!", I say hysterically.

He pull his hands off me. Give me a weird look, exhales and smiles. I smile back.

"Dude, it was amazing! I have to thank you thousand times! No! I have to pay!", I say.

He shakes his head. "Pay me what?".

"Whatever you want!", I snap.

He laughs. "I'll think about that later then."

"Hurry up! I don't want to owe. I hate debts!", I say.

"Wow, slow down! You don't owe me, Jen!", he says.

Suddenly, I remember that Chris is still standing there behind me. I turn to him and laugh.

"And I owe you a kiss, dude," I say. I lean forward and kiss his cheek lightly and fast.

Chris blushing, and now the blush is more distinct that how it was before. I giggle.

***

Whak is still deep in his sleep, I'm sitting beside him on the bed. I stroke his hair with both of my hands, messing up with it a little bit and laugh. I miss his long hair. He used to be an emo guy, with long straightened hair and a lip ring, and of course, no mustache. Haha. He was just a dorky seventeen years old the first time I met him. I just can't forget that day.

Cam introduced me to him. I remember our first ever hand shake. I smiled to him nervously, but he didn't smile back. I didn't know what was wrong with him that moment, but then I found out he just don't like to smile if he's not ought to. And then he said that he had listened to my voice through the record that I had sent to him earlier and he liked it, he agreed that I can join his dorky band, haha. And he asked me whether he can listen to some other songs I have, and of course I said yes. I was so excited. I played my raw songs in front of him, he filled the hollow parts instantly. He was so good at guitar and piano. He fixed some messy parts from my songs and enrolled me to some local expo days, I rejected it, I just didn't want to play the songs that he helped work with alone. And he agreed to perform with me.

And there were hard days. When finally I decided to dropped out of school one year earlier to start to take my career in music seriously, he helped me talk with my parents, even when I couldn't stand it anymore to stay in my house with my raging parents, Whak picked me up with his skateboard and allowed me to stay in his place for couple of days until everything between me and my parents has cooled down. I cried on his pillow that night, he begged me to stop, and then he played me some dorky joke songs on his guitar, I couldn't help laughing and stopped crying. And that night I saw him smile for the very first time.

And now I look at his face. He looks so tired and uncomfortable. I wish I can do magic and cure him.

The day is old, but Warped Tour is still busy with all of the noise outside. Suddenly I feel kinda sleepy and tired. The bunks are empty, it means that the rest of the boys are hanging in the back lounge. Maybe it's gonna be fine if I just curl up here beside Whak. Drive away to sleep and share his bad dreams. But Whak moves slightly under his blanket and there he opens his eyes.

"Hi, dude. Feel better?", I smile lightly.

He rubs his eyes with the back of his hands, trying to collect consciousness. "Eh, I don't know," he says. He looks around the room and figures out that it's evening already from the sight from the pantry window. "Wait..., what time is it?".

"What?", all of a sudden something pops in my head.

"Jenna, did you?", he says.

I'm afraid now. "Did I what?".

He frowns, takes a glance once again to the pantry window. "Did you guys play without me?", he asks with suspicion. "Jenna!", he snaps high-toned. He throws his blanket to the floor and pushed me out of the bunk and jumps to the aisle.

"Whak, wait!", I squeak. "It was for your good! Whak, listen!".

He walks to the back lounge, stomping his legs hardly to the floor. He opens the lounge curtain abruptly. "Did you morons play without me?!", he shouts.

Everybody's startled and stay out of words. I jump to him and grab his arm. He's still got fever.

"Whak! Listen!", I say.

He turns his head to me. " What Jen? What the fuck is happening here! How could you do this to me? How? New guitarist? How?! Tell me!", he shouts.

I look at Jake through Whak's shoulder. Jake shakes his head. It's only gonna worsen this situation if I tell Whak about Chris. I just can't lie. Should I lie to my own best friend?

"Speak, Jen!", he shout even louder, I can hear rage in his tone.

My body is trembling out of fear. Well, it's not fear, it's something else I can't define. "Well, Whak.."

"Yes? Somebody took my place, right? RIGHT?! How can you guys?! I thought that we're agreed that we won't leave anyone behind! Why?!", he shouts to the boys, it's something he's never done before.

It's  not right. The boys aren't guilty. "Whak! It was me! I'm the one who made the whole plan and decision!".

He looks into my eyes with rage. "Fuck, Jenna! Fuck you!", he swears.

I am shocked. He has never said that thing right to my face before. And I thought he won't, forever. My eyes are burning. I'm ready to cry.

"How could you? You make me feel useless! How could you!", he shouts again, again and again. His voice breaks into rasp harsh bray. He controls his breath. Looks down to the floor and says, "I think I'll just go."

"No! I'll go!", I say. Before he could make any move, I walk away and get out of the bus.

I can't hold back my tears any longer. I cry my lungs out. I cover my face with both of my hands and walk wobbly to the iron barricade in the end of the parking lot. I don't know where to go. The last band of today is playing. In less than 2 hours we have to leave to the next city on a 3 days drive. But I know there's no way I can go back to the bus.

Maybe this is it. Maybe I should go.

I can see a golf cart slowly entering the parking lot. And guess what, it carries I Call Fives's band members and crews. It carries Jeff and Chis. I stare at them for a second, but Jeff coincidentally catches my eyes. NO!

I turn my head, cover my face. Jeff walks approaching me . No. He can't. He can't see me like this. He touches my shoulder. I freeze.

"Hey, Jen. Hey, why are you outside?", he says.

I refuse to speak, I refuse to face him. I shake my head with my back against him.

"Jen? You alright? Hey! Why do you cover your face? Hey look at me," he says anxiously.

My tears run down my face. My body is shaking. All I need now is a shoulder to cry.

"Jen?", he says. He gently grabs my shoulders and turns my body facing him. He pulls both of my hands off of my face.

I lock my eyes to the ground. Avoiding his gaze.

"You alright, Jen?", he asks. Weeps my wet cheeks and puts on a concerned look.

I nod. "Yes."

"No, you're not," he pushes my chin up.

I look into his eyes hesitantly. "I'm alright, dude."

He frowns. "Well, I'll walk you to your bus."

"NO!", I scream frantically.

"Why?!", he says.

I shake my head. "Just no." My tears coming out again.

"You're crying, Jen? Hey, look at me," he says. Pushes a strand of my hair out of my eyes.

Yes. I'm crying, harder than ever. The thoughts of loosing Whak forever is killing me, slicing my guts, I'm breathless. I try so hard not to make any sound. I'm squeaking like a choked rat.

"Come here." He spreads his arms and embraces me gently. Pats my back to calm my down.

I push my face against his chest. Soaking his shirt with my never ending tears. Trembling, quivering. Wet from tears and sweats. I'm a mess. I really don't want him to see me like this. But all I need now is a friend. I'm grateful I have him now. I don't know what will possibly happen if I've never met him, or even got to know him.

He holds me tighter. And what funny is, I feel comfortable. He should be still a stranger to me, but I don't feel like it now. I find warmth in him. Warmth that reminds me of Whak. Oh no, Whak.

"Let's go. You can stay in our bus," he says.

I nod. He holds my hand and walk me to his bus.

Everybody stuns when they see me entering their bus with my chin down and my back hunched, looking desperate and sad. My face is red and my eyes are puffy. Jeff embraces his arm around my shoulder so I can hide my face. We walk to the back lounge. Everyone stays in silence.

I sit down on the back lounge couch while he's closing the curtain. He sits by my side and gives me a clean napkin to weep my tears.

"Now, tell me," he says, looking into my eyes intensely.

I take a deep breath. I'm not sure if I have to tell him the whole situation that is happening. But, I think he's a trustworthy and it's gonna be just fine. "Whak is mad at me."

He sighs hardly. "Mad at you?"

I nod. "He's angry. Furious. I've never seen him like that before."

"Now way!", he says.

"Yes!", I insist.

"No. It's my fault, no. I should talk to him," he says, sets himself ready to stand up and leave to meet Whak in the bus.

I grab his hand. "No, Jeff. You tried to help. No."

He sighs again. Give me a sorry look. No, he shouldn't be sorry for anything. He tried to help and that's it. Whak is just disappointed and it's all my fault. I made him feel useless, which does make no sense to me. Why should he feel useless? He deserves a rest, and he's terribly sick!

I spend the night talking to Jeff. He tries so hard to make me laugh. But I'm just too depressed to laugh. I end up tired and fall to the couch, my head on his lap. He pats my hair to sleep.

I don't know if it's right to say that... in this terrible situation... he makes me feel.. safe and sound.

End of part 4