Warped Tour is old. Three weeks left for us to rock in our sweaty jeans, under the stinging sun and in front of hundreds of teenagers in this foreigner country. Everything has been going well since the day I made up with Whak. Shows are amazing, fans are adorable, the catering are dreamy. Except my love life. Can I laugh now?
I'm not that kind of girl that thinks about my love life that much. But when I think I have found just the right guy, I hope it will workout somehow. I haven't met Jeff since the day he handed me back to my band. I don't know where the heck he is. My signing schedule and interviews are crazy. I don't even have time to mingle with other bands' members or at least just sit up with my band mates and talk.
I decide that I need an hour off. I need to find Jeff, somewhere. Whak reads my face and asks me to sit down.
In every signing session, I'd like to just stand up next to the table instead of sitting and smiling and saying hello. I love my fans I don't want to just sitting there, shake hands and passed by. I would rather hug them, taking intimate pictures with them. It is good, they think I'm adorable. But my body opposed to that. I get tired quicker that everyone else, and the sweats from all of my fans stick to my shirt, which is kinda gross. But it's not a problem for me since they support us big times and stand for us no matter what.
"You look... dead," Whak whispers as he signs a poster that belongs to a cheeky girl in front of the table.
"Thank you," I say to the fan girl. She asks me whether she can take a picture with me or not. Of course I say yes. I stand up and pose next to her, work out my best smile and passed.
Whak examines my face. "We've still got hundreds kids to go. You sure?"
"Of course, duh! I won't let them down," I exclaim.
The signing happens to be really long and boring and sweaty. If I can categorized my condition from 1 to 10, I'd say, it's 4. I've been so worn out these last two weeks. The tour has been so intense and breathe-taking. I've got stitches on my forehead and people keep asking me about that. I'm getting sick of answering that question, but who's to blame?
Finally the signing is over. We can now all be dismissed and do whatever we want. But the day is old, I'm to tired to mingle, or accompany the boys to drink. I decide that I will just go back to the bus, have a shower and sleep until dinner time has come.
I storm back from the signing tent to the bus, I'm trying to find a glimpse of Jeff's face but he's nowhere to be found. So I give up. Maybe our last kiss was just a spontaneous act. It all means nothing to him. And nothing is happening between us.
Drowning from the thought of Jeff, I turn back. Some nice bottles of cold beer will help. The boys haven't left the tent yet, I join them right away.
"You're not going back?" Whak says.
I shake my head. "No. I'm not feeling like it. I'd rather join you guys."
We walk to the refreshment trailer to grab some drinks. I have my own three cans of cold beer and a bottle something I don't know the name. I have tasted a little too much of the alcohols the boys like to drink but I can name only a few of them.
We climb the hill in the back of the parking lot. The view is really nice. We sit under the shade of a tree. We're settled next to each other, shoulder to shoulder. Drinks in our hands.
We talk, we drink, we laugh, jokes around the way. Cam and Jake are good at making jokes. We laugh our lungs out. When I feel a little bit too high to sense anything, I cuddle next to Whak. His eyes are all bloodshot from the alcohol, but he tries as hard as he can to stay conscious. And so the rest of the boys.
When our little private drink party gets a little too far, they boys start shouting random things. Cam and Jake strip off of their clothes and climb the tree behind us. Matt's starting to sing some creepy song and unconsciously calls his girlfriend trough his cell phone, which will cost him a lot of phone credits. When he's done, he takes off all of his clothes and run around the hill. I'm the only one who's still half-sober. I laugh a lot, I know my throat will pay for this in the morning.
When all the three boys all are busy with their fantasy world, Whak and I are left alone. Clinging to each other to stay sane and conscious. Whak starts murmuring something I don't understand. I slap his face lightly, and he smiles.... and he starts muttering my name.
"Jenna...", he murmurs with his eyes half-closed. "Jenjah...".
I laugh. "Jenjah, sounds funny brah," I can't keep my head up any longer, I curl up beside him. His arm around my shoulder. His hand pushes my head down onto his chest.
"Jen jen... McDoogz. You're Jen Jen?" he says.
I can't help but laugh. I've never seen him like this. "Yes, I am Jen Jen."
He pats my head, pulling me closer to him. "My Jenna. Only mine."
***
Before I can figure out what happened next, I wake up in my bunk, with my head spinning wildly. The bus is not moving, but there's no light outside, so it does mean that it's already night.
I think everybody is off to have dinner because no one is around. I'm left alone. Thank you guys.
I roll out of my bunk to the pantry. I down some glass of water to clean my mouth from the alcohol remainings. I take a deep breathe and decide that I will just go outside and go to the diner catering set in the middle of the Warped arena.
I'm walking to the door when somebody opens it from the outside.
"Hey," he says.
I cannot believe my eyes. Is it real?
"Hey, I'm sorry to disturb you. I just want to take you to the dinner set. Jake says you're stoned to death," Jeff says.
I winked a couple of time to clear my sight. And there he is. Tall, sturdy, blonde and bright. The figure that I've been waiting for to show up in these past two weeks. I have no idea what to do. My tongue is caught up in a knot. It's been more than two weeks since the last time I saw him. My heart skips a beat.
"Why are you looking at me like that? I'm not a ghost? Come here," he protests under a chuckle.
I chug my last drop of water from the glass and swallow it hard. "No, I'm not hungry."
"Yes, you are. Come on, the diner set is almost over," he says.
I look at his eyes, perplexed. "Why don't you show up earlier?", I snap suddenly.
His frowns. "What?".
I sigh. I'm getting sick of this. I'm angry, alcohol makes everything even worse. I want to throw him out of the bus, stab him with a knife. Choke him. Let him suffer to death. He stays silent, watching me, trying to dig what is happening inside my head. He's so stupid. So fucking stupid. I raise my hand and throw the glass I'm holding toward his head.
The glass falls to the floor. Shattered to pieces. Jeff stares at me with an inexplicable look. "Jen? You're drunk. Let's sober up," he says.
He walks towards me, grabs my hand. I jerk his hand off of me, not letting him touch me. But he's stronger than I thought. He circles his arm around my waist, lifts me from the floor and puts me on his shoulder like I were a pillow. He carries me out of the bus. I punch his back, on and on. I squeal. He doesn't make any reaction.
He brings me up to the hill where me and my band mates had the drink party earlier this late afternoon. I'm crazy, I'm not me. I know the alcohol is still clawing its effect on my brain. Controlling me.
Jeff puts me down to the grass. Squatting in front of me. He grabs my face and starts to soothe calming words.
"Jenna, look at me. You're drunk. I'm here, for you. Only for you. Jenna," he says. His face only inches away from mine.
I fixes my eyes on him. Grasping for sanity. I touch his face, it's warm. So warm and I want to kiss it. I like him more that I thought. "Jeff, I'm sorry."
"It's not you. It's the alcohol," he says. He sits down next to me, closer than ever.
I'm not content with this, I want more. I want him to like me, harder than he has ever before. I climb to his lap, my arms around his neck. I place my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. He puts his arm around my waist, and the other one on my legs. I can feel he kisses my forehead, and then my cheek, and then the other cheek, and my nose.
I giggle and open my eyes. He trains his eyes all over my face, like I was a rare sculpture. And smiles.
"I like you, Jenna. From the first second we met," finally he utters the words.
I laugh silently. "Why don't you show up earlier?" I ask him again.
He sigh, and pushes aside a strand of my hair off of my face. "I like you so much and it hurts. Because you're out of my league. You're perfect and famous. You've got a perfect life, I don't want to ruin it. I don't deserve you."
"Bullshit. Bullshit. Stinking bullshit. You're stupid and senseless. And a selfish bastard," I shout on his face.
I'm expecting a rage, I'm thinking about him putting me down to the ground and ditches me, and hates me. And forgets me forever. But he stays. And laughs. I cannot believe it.
"This is why I like you," he says.
"You like me, just because of me being blunt and angry?" I snap.
"I like your smile as well," he says.
"I won't smile again, forever," I say.
"I like you because you're beautiful," he replies.
"I'm not beautiful. How's that?" I say.
"Shut up. You're horrible, but I still like you anyway. How about that?" he says.
Just before I can think of anything else, he kisses my lips and holding me tighter than ever. I kiss him back. My fingers run through his golden hair, and my body is not mine anymore. I'm high, higher than ever. I'm running out of breath but I don't want to let him go. Just like this, stay like this.
Jeff pauses to breathe, I pull his head back to me. He laughs on my lips and back kissing me for the next 10 seconds and we're off. Panting out of breath, reaching for oxygen and laughing.
"Well, that was terrible," I say under my breath.
He kisses my cheek and laughs. "Yeah, that was."
"So... I'm hungry," I say.
He looks into my eyes and smiles. "Ready for dinner?"
"Oy oye!"
